My soul is full

 the past few months have been difficult. the loss, anxiety and frustration is sometimes overwhelming. i have never felt the weight of the world as much as i have in the last several months. so much pain, so much injustice, so much uncertainty...

 none of the outside forces changed today but I held the hand of a three year old (wore my mask and he wore his) and we walked. we talked about sticks and driveways, we talked about flowers and trees with faces. we talked about all of the nicknames he has from various family members and we walked...a long way. IT WAS GLORIOUS! I gave him a big bear hug then he went home and I came inside and washed my hands. 

 the injustice is still there, the weight of it is still heavy, i still don't have certainty about what's going to happen next but wow! it's worth trudging through all of it to look at his big beautiful eyes, to hear his sweet voice and to hold his precious hand. 

I love you, bubby! Thanks for helping me see the world through your eyes today. 

Life is different than I thought it would be...

Life is different than I thought it would be...
Well, isn't that the truth! Who in the world would have predicted 2020?!?

Who in their right mind would think that we'd be staying home..no really STAYING HOME all the time.

Who could have imagined a world where I would enter a bank, a grocery store, or the hardware store wearing a mask and dodging strangers to make sure we don't come close to one another?

What kind of person would imagine that our communities, our families, our friends would be so divided and unable or unwilling to see from the point of view of the "other"?

So, life isn't as we planned. I'm not doing the thing I thought I'd do forever. I'm not snuggling my grandbabies, going to all the crowded places that I love, or having coffee with friends. The list of things I'm not doing is long...and yet.

I am able to:
→ take time to learn about and listen to the point of view of the "other"
→ consider the beauty of an evening walk or a drive with my husband
→ see my grandbabies, even if it's at a distance
→ appreciate all the ways that my needs are met
→ have long and deep conversations
→ express gratitude
→ remain hopeful
→ show compassion to people with whom I disagree
→ remember that this too shall pass...try not to miss all the amazing things about 2020.

 


  

Holiness in every day life

I'm not the first person to pen those words....not even close.
But it has taken me more than just a little while to embrace them. Like many people who respond to a calling into ministry in the church, I became completely and wholly engaged in it, and in the process I forgot that God is present in the every day of life.

Is it possible that while spending so many years trying to be holy in my work, I missed the way God weaves holiness into so many other things?
The mom who welcomes, plays with and feeds all the neighbor kids.
The woman who listens to the heartache of a stranger.
The man who cares for his ailing wife.
Work.
Rest.
Solitude.
A well prepared meal.
Needles and thread.
Standing in line.
Staples and new fabric.
Carrying heavy things.
Old things.
Rocking a crying baby.
Laughing with a friend.
Provision in the face of uncertainty.
A rambunctious two year old.
Quiet evenings with people you love.
A great glass of wine.
Noticing God's image in the faces of every other person you see.
Saying no to good things.
Saying yes to something new.
Desperate prayers.

The list goes on and on...and so little of it needs to be led or organized, recruited or staffed, an offering bag passed or announcements to be announced. I still believe that God can use the Body gathered, I'm just beginning to appreciate the effectiveness of each of us being willing to embrace the holiness of all that God calls us to in the every day.

Thursday

Grateful for the kindness and generosity of the anonymous.
Refreshed by unexpected respite.
Delighting in the beauty of old things made new again.
Thankful for creative endeavors.

Thursday.

I wrote this on a Thursday more than a year ago...

still true

It's time to write again...I think

You can't experience God's sustaining grace while resisting His will.

So, I opened up my blog tonight and found this sentence ^ ^

I have no idea why I wrote that in 2014 but tonight it seems heavy with meaning and challenge. You see a few weeks ago I stepped away from my role in the church. It was unavoidable really...it was time. 

My heart longs to be used to shine light in darkness, to see God use me to help, to restore, to reclaim, to see beauty grow from ashes. I don't know what the grand plan is but tonight I'm going to do my best to stop resisting so that I can experience God's sustaining grace. 

Sometimes we get to see it happen!

I work in a church.  I love my job.  I love the people I serve.  I love the team I get to do it with! 

All that said, (and I probably shouldn't say this) sometimes it becomes a bit routine. You know, Sunday comes every six days; there are supplies to order, phone calls to answer, e-mails to be sent and things to be done.
 
One other thing I've noticed...when I actually pay attention...I get to see God at work!  Tonight I paid attention and got to see some pretty terrific stuff.  Stuff that makes all those supply orders, phone calls and e-mails seem a bit less routine.  After all, Sunday only comes around every six days! 

This Sunday, we get to witness several families whose lives have been changed because someone, at Suncrest, chose to be used by God.  I am greatly blessed to get to play even the smallest part!
 

it really will keep turning...even if I quit pushing?!?

For my fellow type A's out there...
The world really will keep turning...even if you quit pushing.
I know, I know, it's pretty hard to believe.  Read it again.  Own that statement.  Think about the wisdom behind it.  Quit pushing.  

My mom is a wise, non-type A.  She has spoken this phrase to her type A daughter (me) on more than one occasion and always want to argue with her a bit.  I mean, for heaven's sake, what fun is there in just enjoying the ride? Shouldn't we be doing something?  Pushing something? OK, maybe even pushing someone? The world turns so much better when I'm pushing!  

Really...I think I'm accomplishing so much and then I read Psalm 33

"The Lord looks down from heaven

and sees every person.

From his throne he watches

all who live on earth.

He made their hearts

and understands everything they do.

No king is saved by his great army.

No warrior escapes by his great strength.

Horses can’t bring victory;

they can’t save by their strength.

But the Lord looks after those who fear him,

those who put their hope in his love.

He saves them from death

and spares their lives in times of hunger.

So our hope is in the Lord.

He is our help, our shield to protect us.

We rejoice in him,

because we trust his holy name.

Lord, show your love to us

as we put our hope in you."

I think I'll stop pushing for now...He seems to have it all well in hand.